Paula Sager (USA), Carolina Jimenes (Barcelona, Brazil), Heike Kuhlmann (Germany), Lucia (Italy), Francesca Borghese (Italy), Dr. Ruth Sonnenberg (Germany), Verena Vespermann (Germany), Ola Capiga-Łochowicz (Poland), Hayley Price(England, Scotland), Michael Kocher(USA), Zacha Belok (USA) , Elena (Italy), Irina Weisglass (Russia, Isreal), Bárbara Anís (Spain/Switzerland)

When Bonnie Morrissey and I were preparing to work with Janet on Intimacy in Emptiness, we read all of her writings in chronological order, from the beginning to the most recent. And from the beginning, we noticed certain words appearing again and again, but changing, evolving, over time. In her very first piece of writing, “The Study of an Autistic Child, I was stunned to find the word discipline. In addressing her assumption that any kind of objective evaluation and research, in work such as dance therapy, would mean compromising the subjective experience of the participants, Janet writes, “I was hesitant to demand of myself any “laboratory discipline.” (p 324-325)

When we track Janet’s process of writing, the early work contains so much that we may recognize within the Discipline of Authentic Movement. Both her language and choice of words, but also her approach to practice and research. And of course, the relational dynamic with its clear link to moving and witnessing was there right from the beginning in seed form.

I find myself so drawn to these words from the beginning.

In relation to this essay and to the discipline, I experience these words as an opening to depth. These words open me to an inner dropping – a kind of mystery. What becomes present is a curiosity about Source. Where does an impulse to begin come from? What’s the source of something that has begun?

The very first sentence of Janet’s essay, Presence: From Autism to the Discipline of Authentic Movement, we learn that this essay is about awakening.

Awakening.

What is this word for you? Awakening. Something waking up. This essay is about what this is, and how it can happen. And it’s about our profound longing to awaken, whether we’re conscious of it or not. This longing is quietly in the background of the choices we do or don’t make and, as Janet says, these choices shape our path. So in this essay, Janet is sharing how she sees the unfolding of her own path.

If we go to the bottom of this first page, we learn something about Janet’s beginnings with the autistic children. She writes, “I don’t know what I am doing. I am searching hospitals and clinics, For the child who cannot be found.” And as she says, also, “the child I need to find.”

I wonder, is there a way that Janet’s words help you recognize your own longing? Your own searching, not knowing? I imagine that each of you know something about, in Janet’s words, being

“drawn to that which you cannot see, that which you cannot touch, that which you cannot know.”

Let’s take a moment just to feel into a sense of being drawn to something that is invisible, or of the mysteries. What is this sense of something that has been with you from the beginning? Something, maybe, that has led you to choose to be a learner in circles of four? Just being with this question, I want to welcome and invite any of you who would like to speak out of your embodied sense whatever is present for you now.

I wonder if anybody who feels maybe a little less comfortable with English would like to try and speak. And feel free to use some of your own native language as well.

I really appreciate hearing all of what you each have to say. There’s something that, I think, Carolina, you said in the beginning that this is about feeling human. It seems almost cliche, but it’s amazing to experience how each of us in the world share so much in terms of what we’re talking about, and what we’re touching within ourselves.

I believe this is something universal within human beings, this great longing we’re speaking of, and then there’s everything that gets in the way of that.

Tracking Presence

Turning back to the text, something else that Janet speaks of right from the beginning is the practice of tracking. She uses this word, tracking, a number of times through the essay and of course, it’s something quite familiar in our practice of the discipline.

Let’s see how we can keep bringing a sense of study as we explore the question of presence. As we move through this essay, what can we call upon from our practice?

I’m excited about this because, from the very first page, we’re going to go to all the places that Janet uses the word presence. And there’s about 15 of them! And we’re going to be paying attention to how she uses the word presence in each of these places. Can we notice something different or new that comes to us as we see another way she is using this same word?

The first place is on the first page, right near the bottom of the page where she says:

“I need to come nearer to this mysterious being, the child, this unknown presence.”

So the first time she uses the word presence, it is unknown.

And yet Janet says…”why do I feel that I recognize him? Is it the indwelling God within this child that I need to touch? That I need to be touched by?” Here we are stepping onto a path with Janet as we pause at this landmark phrase: This unknown presence.

Now we’re going to turn to page 24 and the paragraph beginning: “Forty years ago, autistic children were described as those beings who never had an experience of relationship with another human being.”

In these children, Janet writes, “there is no hint of an internalized other, a mother, an inner witness. There is no internalized presence. For a decade I worked in big and empty rooms where autistic children, one by one, filled the space with their absence, until, because of a momentary presence, we experienced a connection.”

So, just notice for yourself, we’ve gone from the unknown presence to a recognition of absence of presence, to this momentary something—Janet describes it as “resonance within our relationship,” a glimpse of light revealed in a moment of grace. 

…..

The next place where the word presence appears is in the paragraph that follows where Janet writes about the relationship between her work with the autistic children and the practice of the discipline. In both cases, she says, “My wish is the same: I want to accompany the other; I want to participate in these moments of a presence embodied of a developing inner witness.”

So here, we learn presence has to do with the embodying of a developing inner witness.

Continuing on, we read, “there is much learning about distinguishing between when we are here and when we are not here.” And then, “In times of grace, there is a shared presence.”

So now we have this possibility of a shared presence. And there is more about this shared presence: “…in these moments, with the children and in the studio, ritual occurs—an immediate sense of inherent order becomes apparent within a felt sense of sacred space.”  Janet is giving us language for what may be happening when we have this experience of shared presence.

I want to pause here and see if anyone has any question or something that’s arising that you want to speak or note.

I’m so glad you speak this, because that’s my feeling, is we are in the inquiry of what is presence. And already we’re discovering there’s so much… it’s a word that carries so many different perspectives, or ways of experiencing, or not experiencing. It’s not a word that we can just say, and we all know it’s just this one thing. So yes, just being in the unknowing, as you say, Haley, lets us keep asking: What is this now? And then again, in another context: What is this here?

If we keep going, there is a paragraph break and in the next section, Janet writes, “I cannot trace the history of my own work without tracing the work that preceded it.” This was always so important to Janet, that we name our teachers, that we know the stream of our lineage. And so here, in a big sweep, Janet goes way, way, way, way back, back to our ancestors

Who came before us? And how did their work precede our work? The way Janet is seeking to locate herself in a lineage, to find her roots, reminds me of this word that has been spoken a few times: home.

Can I find my sense of home? Where do I belong? Who else is here? Who has been here before?

In Janet’s words, we can go back to the beginning, the beginning of humankind. I love that phrase, the beginning of humankind. It brings a whole new perspective to our phrase: from the beginning. Here Janet is guiding us back to the beginning where “being and dancing were inseparable within sacred space.” She sees one circle: “In this one circle, individuals in the presence of each other are dancing in relationship to their gods.”

It’s hard to say just one thing here because in these two paragraphs where Janet is looking back to our ancestors there is so much happening. I urge you to return to this part later, letting her words speak directly to you, noticing your own felt-sense experience as you listen or receive.

If we keep going, we find Janet has leapt forward in time, following the stream from our most ancient ancestors to the modern dancers of the first half of the 20th century. Some of these dancers, choreographers, and writers were her teacher Mary Whitehouse’s teachers. Like Mary Wigman, who a hundred years ago writes: 

“Dance wants to and has to be seen… I have always been a fanatic of the present, in love with the moment…the dynamic force of moving and being moved.”

Such familiar words and experiences to us as practitioners of the discipline. Perhaps Mary Whitehouse took these words from Mary Wigman into her practice, into her teaching, and spoke them to Janet.

On the next page, Janet brings us into Mary’s studio where, “Within the intimacy of relationship, Mary’s presence made it possible for each dancer to return toward the one circle where being and dancing were the same.”

What’s different here in how Janet is using the word presence? Now we find there is a personalized presence and this is very different from the experience of our ancestors where there wasn’t a sense of individualized self in relationship to other individualized selves.

This is the beginning of a separation that gives rise to relationship between one person whose  open-eyed presence holds the space for the ones who close their eyes. Which leads to what Janet subsequently focused on: the relationship between a mover and a witness and what unfolds between them. 

On the next page, as Janet explores the connection between her experience of the autistic children and of her experience of the discipline, she uses the word presence, not in relation to an outer witness, but in relation to the children: “Needing to find the children, to find myself in their presence.” So, this is interesting, the child is a presence. How can we be in relationship to the presence of the other?

She tells us exactly how she does this. “I choose to concentrate into the very stuff of each gesture by actually entering the precious detail of their bodies moving.”

And she learns so much through this process of concentrating her attention, while staying close to the physical presence of the childrens’ movement.

And where we’re coming to next is the word you brought to us in the beginning, Zacha: Hinanie.  If you have the book with you, would you like to start from “Because the Mover…” and read that whole rest of the passage.

Zacha Belok 

Because the mover in the discipline of authentic movement studies the art of concentration, she is attending to her longing to be present. Where am I now? What is my inner experience? Hineni.  Meaning, here I am, in the Hebrew language.

I am here now with my wrists snapping together. My palms opening, my fingers extending, cupping. My shoulders are dropping, my arms are lifting, here I am.

Paula Sager  00:57:25

Thank you.  And what is happening here?

There’s something about the details of the physical body that is in relation to the question: Where am I now?

And then Janet writes, “What is my inner experience?”

There’s something so potent here for me when she brings together the physical body—that which is visible from the outside, together with what is invisible to a viewer, to a witness from the outside. What is within, on the inside—that’s for her or him to know, to discover.

What is here from the inside, as I enter, as I follow this movement, that helps me know I am here. And then we learn that the witness is practicing the same thing: “Where am I? What am I doing? Oh here I am, sitting on this chair. My hands are on my lap

And then, oh, I almost missed one. On page 29, in the next paragraph.

Now the mover’s coming back, and the witness is intending to remember what has been happening, what her mover has been doing, so she can speak her experience of embodiment in the presence of the outer witness. So we’ve been in a whole stretch where this phenomenon of presence is going back and forth between the one who is moving and the one who is witnessing, at least as Janet is taking us through this. So she can speak her experience of embodiment in the presence of the outer witness. Because “language is the bridge between the body and consciousness.”

A sustained attention, first with body and inner experience, and then memory and language, we can become conscious of what’s happening.

(A question that comes later for PS concerns the relationship between attention and presence).

As the mover speaks her experience, she begins to see herself, hold herself. Take herself seriously, attending to the detail, every precious detail of each physical movement, And the concomitant inner experience.

And then she says, the witness practices the same thing.

From Page 29 going over to page 30, J wirites of the witness’ practice “I am remembering her, holding her within my energy field, taking her seriously. I want to remember all of this and speak these experiences in her presence after she speaks of hers.

So the moving and witnessing ritual is being distinguished from the speaking and listening ritual. And still… It’s about… it’s about presence.

And the intention and the exploration of how, how to do this.

I don’t want to skip over this sentence, that I love, halfway down the page, where Janet just writes, relationship, relationship, relationship.

So now we’re, we’re kind of moving toward, toward the end and Janet is now turning to this, the book she had recently, written and had recently been published, Offering from the Conscious Body, This book is really the first time that she’s written, in any kind of public way, her own tracking of the discipline itself. So not just the tracking of what’s happening between a mover and a witness, but the actual development of… the arc of development of the discipline itself.

(What she’s learned and shares is that an experience of the individual body which includes the developed inner witness serves as the ground that then potentially can develop into the coming together of individuals within the inquiry regarding participation in a collective body, which then potentially develops into what, at that time, she called the conscious body.

In relation to the conscious body, in this essay, Janet brings forth the phrase, direct experience, She’s moving into, with her students, mystical text, mystical dance, and energetic phenomenon. as this is what’s arising in the practice of long-time practitioners. They’re practicing it and studying it in these groups.

And here we find Janet writes: “direct experience within the practice of the discipline of authentic movement is related to the phenomenon of presence”. So that’s on page 31.

Direct experience is related to the phenomenon of presence. And then there’s this wonderful way that Janet will say or write something that acknowledges that we’re all human beings trying to do the best we can. And that “it’s not necessarily true that we are more present as our practice matures. But, we are more aware of when we are present and when we are not.” Thank you, Janet.

As she’s makes this distinction about when we are present and when we are not, she comes back to, “okay, so what is happening when we are present?” And she writes, when we are present, more than the details of our personal history engraved in our body matter become evident. Who we are not just as personality, because it is actually engraved, etched into our body, our physical form. “The details of our personal history never change, but our relationship to them can change.” This changing relationship in the studio happens because of the experience of being seen, seeing… participating, and belonging.

Such experiences bring each mover and each witness toward the blessing of clear, silent awareness. As the work deepens, Where am I, is less frequently asked. Here I Am, Henaini, is more frequently known.

We now see Janet using the word presence in relation to “practice toward presence.” And this practice is evolving into moments in which the body as vessel is experienced as empty.

“Longing to offer emerges from such emptiness. The form itself becomes transparent. Out of silence comes a word. Out of stillness comes a gesture. Out of presence comes direct experience of the numinous.

• So this… this is… something quite different again. We arrive into this possibility that out of presence itself—whatever this is—comes direct experience of the numinous.

There are just a couple more places that I want to go through quickly so we can have time to speak together. So we can hear what’s moving within each of you, what you’re seeing, what you’re discovering or learning.

We’re in final stretch of our tracking of the word presence. On p. ?, Janet is writing about mystical dance and remembers an offering circle where a woman is spinning and spinning, and her arms are high above her head.

And the witnesses, begin to respond. Some of them vocally through sound, and some of them actually joining, stepping in. Janet writes, here “it is no longer necessary for some to remain outer witnesses because the presence of the inner witness within each person is clear enough.” The presence of the inner witness is clear enough within each person in the collective body.

And then a little further on, she goes back to the child who, in the very beginning of this essay, in an institutional space, is spinning with his arms raised above his head. And she says, “this child spins, and I hear him calling and calling. Responding, I spin with him, offering my… offering my presence.Inviting the awakening of his inner witness.

“This woman, in the dance circle, spins, calling and calling. Responding, one witness sings, others enter her gesture, spinning, each one offering presence.

Janet has taken us all the way from the unknown presence in the beginning to this place where we can actually know presence within ourselves. And not just within ourselves, but in relationship, in participation with others who are also knowing presence within themselves. Because each one’s inner witness is present enough. I have always loved how Janet uses this word enough to let us know this is not about perfection. This is about being human, and the possibilities of how we can experience ourselves, within ourselves, and with each other, and with the mystery, the unknown, the numinous.

Let’s stop here.

And please see if there’s one thing you might choose to speak, as we can make as much time and space for everybody who wants to speak.

Time for learners speaking at end

Lucia   01:13:50

I would like to share that I could see Janet, like Polycina, you know the story of Polycino? Oh, Elena maybe can translate it.

And she left for us this word…presence, like a path

Lucia 01:14:18

???.  Yeah. For Raz. Too boom.   I can see this… this path.

She left us from a child to… to… to find a way. From the child to the numinous.           I’m grateful to share with all of you. Thank you.

Elena   01:15:05

Thank you, Paula, because… You let me see these little stones in your way of reading together. I wasn’t so aware of that. Of those steps you showed us with those…Clear… so clear. Yes. Thank you.

Paula Sager  01:15:28

It’s so interesting, Elena, because the essay itself has a before life. It was a keynote speech that Janet gave at the 2002 American Dance Therapy Conference. So it was first something she spoke in public. Later it became an essay to read. 

I was at that conference and heard it in person, so this particular piece of Janet’s writing has a place in my heart. But it wasn’t until I started, re-reading it in preparation for us being together that I began to see exactly what you’re saying, these, little stepping stones, and that Janet was leading us along a path. So, I’m glad you both speak to this.

Elena  01:16:58

Now, there’s still something unknown, but the trust and the hope that one of us spoke before, now I can feel them more in me.  Thank you.

Bárbara Anís  01:17:30

I see the path you speak about and I’m connecting with the words, In the beginning, from the beginning, and I’m just wondering how many? 

I’m just wondering about this connection between the past and the beginning, and how many times it’s a re-beginning, it’s beginning again, and… I’m like… The trust in this beginning. Of the same path.

Paula Sager   01:18:19

As you say this, Barbara, I’m… I’m remembering, Michael, you spoke earlier in the beginning and used this word, bravery. In English, the word bravery is connected to courage, and courage is a word that I think holds the coeur in many languages, connected to heart.

I’m really with just what it takes… a deep connection in our heart, to have that faith to begin again and again, because each beginning, there’s the not knowing all over again. A sense, you know, we just got to a place where we felt, “Ahh here I am, Henaini, here I am.” And then there’s a whole new beginning, and where am I now? And what is this? 

Michael Kocher  01:19:40

I’m struck too, from your initial question, and again, this longing for(?) source, am I being called? or am I searching?  Is it this? Am I being pulled?

It’s an interesting, unknowing, edge to explore, this… the impulse. Where does it arrive from? Is it something I follow, is it something I seek. Is it both? Is it none?

Paula Sager   01:20:37

I wonder if this is also a place that potentially invites discernment around when is it that I recognize I’m seeking, and when is it that I’m feeling drawn, or that something is calling or is it more that I’m following. It also connects to me with that dynamic relationship between willing and surrender. With the seeking having a more of the will impulse and then the following, the being drawn, having more of the receptive… surrender. And I love that you name all the possibilities. Is it both? Is it none? Is it…

Carolina Jimenes   01:21:42

And it’s interesting to me that each time that Janet mentions presence—which I was also not aware of when I read this article…like twice—is how she’s relating presence with something, right? With a layer. So, every time she mentions it, it’s in relationship with something else. It might be in relationship with our ancestors, it might be in relationship with

Surrendering. It might be in relationship with having presence, losing presence, so I’m just in a wall moment, right? I am this time when she says relationship, relationship, relationship. I just feel that I’ve just…Expended, you know, like this… disunderstanding, yeah. Thank you so much.  I’m really grateful.

Paula Sager   01:22:39

Thank you, Carolina. As you’re speaking, I see the image of a kaleidoscope, that you look through and it has all these different bits of glass and color and when you turn it, it changes and you see one pattern, and then you turn it again and you see another pattern. I feel that there’s an element of each time Janet uses the word presence in this essay. Each time, we can ask ourselves: do we see something a little different than we saw before?

As we prepare to end, is there anything anyone else would really like to say before we close?

Zacha Belok    01:23:34

I’ll just say that, as I’m taking all this in, I notice that, I have to change a lot, inside in a way, to hear Janet’s call. And then there’s something about this whole different way of being that I know in myself as I sit in it. That it really invites me into a whole other relationship to experience that has to do with will and surrender. Yeah, I’m just aware of that.

verena vespermann   01:24:30

I want to only say words that move my heart…

Find myself in the present.

Language is the bridge.

Connected with the herd.

Relationship, relationship, relationship, 

Here I am, honey.

Is life frequently known?

Here I am.

Ola Capiga-Łochowicz   01:25:18

I want to say one thing. There is this passage: “Out of silence comes a word. Out of stillness comes a gesture. Out of presence comes direct experience of the Numinous. And when I hear, as you said, Liz, here I am, for me, really to say here I am is so wonderful and terrifying at the same time.

Paula Sager   01:25:55

Thank you, Ola.

Thank you so much, everybody. I just feel so moved by everything that has been spoken.

• Oh, Ruth… I don’t hear what you’re saying. Are you speaking?

Dr. Ruth Sonnenberg 

Oh, okay— I feel very thankful for the sharing, and I’m so called to this first unknown presence. Because I feel in unknown presence, there’s all the surrendering to, and also this word, what you all said, relationship…somehow there’s relationship seeking for relationship, or surrendering to the relationship to whatever is so much in here and there. So… unknown presence, I just want to echo.

Paula Sager 

Thank you, Ruth. I really feel you now bring us right back to the beginning where Janet writes these words, unknown presence. I am with the circle that, in the ending is the beginning, and that this presence is in relation to the numinous. The Unknown Presence.

I’m so happy to just be in this space with each of you, and I really appreciate your presence, each of you, and what you’re doing, your path in this work. 

There’s one last thing that just came to me. In our reading along with Janet, she takes us back into the past in a way that invites us to feel a sense of belonging to this path. And now having done this together, I have a new awareness that we, maybe especially each of you, we are the link to the unknown future. It’s us, who are here now, who will be the bridge to whatever comes next. 

So, thank you. Be well. Until we meet again.